I know. A lot of folks will want to argue that God does NOT make us miserable. It's my own fault if I am miserable, or I am choosing to be miserable. Please hear me out, before jumping to any conclusions. (This post was written in 2022, never published, but is still so relevant to today.)
September is a very difficult month for me, as it is the month in which I lost my son to an accidental drug overdose. As the date of his death approaches, I retreat and prepare, because I never know exactly how grief will manifest itself during those days. (See previous post.)
This year (2022), I sequestered myself for five days. Those days were filled with some terribly painful emotions and memories, as I relived every moment of the weekend of my son's overdose and subsequent passing.
BUT GOD ...
Those five days were also filled with quiet reflection as to what I was currently doing, not doing, should be doing, and would be doing.
So I came up with the following:
Doing: Currently working a job at that pays peanuts. Currently wanting to fix a system that is broken, yet no one seems to see it is broken. Currently wanting to manage the situation, when I have no authority to manage the situation. Currently frustrated and questioning, "Why am I here?"
Not Doing: Writing faithfully. Creating artwork and design through my photography. Spending time in the Word. Eating healthy. Taking care of my home.
Should Be Doing: Writing faithfully. Creating artwork and design through my photography. Spending time with Jesus in His Word. Taking care of myself and my home.
Would Be Doing: and herein lies the rest of this post.
Five days of reflection followed by three weeks of health issues showed me ...
I am miserable. I'm not enjoying a job I once enjoyed. I am neglecting to do the things that I should be doing, and my health is suffering from doing tasks my body has no business doing. And making peanuts while all this is happening.
My undergrad is in Business Administration, yet, I wasn't administering.
My Graduate Degree is in English and Creative Writing, and yet I haven't been writing.
And during the quiet, God said to my spirit, "Do more."
Huh?
Discontent and misery doesn't always come from a personal choice. Sometimes, it comes from God. If you don't believe me, let me remind you of someone. Job. He didn't ask for his life to be turned upside down, but God allowed it to be. From his life and example, we have a beautiful testimony of God's redeeming love and restoration.
Sometimes we just might need a reminder of how much God wants to use us for His good and His glory. In order to do so, we just might become miserable in the state in which we live. God made me miserable.
Within those five quiet days, God spoke to me.
"DO MORE."
And I listened.
Just like I did in 2015, when in September of that year I applied to Auburn's Continuing Education program. One month later in October, I began a Graphic Design Certificate Program which I finished in 2016.
The next year, God said, "DO MORE." In the early fall of 2016, I applied to Southern New Hampshire University in pursuit of my Master of Arts Degree. On October 24, less than a month after losing my sweet boy, I began classes for my MA in English and Creative Writing with a Non-Fiction Emphasis. I completed my Masters in 2018 with Honors. To God be the glory!
Three weeks ago, while sitting on my sofa in my pajamas, waiting for grief to make its appearance, God said, "DO MORE."
Fast Forward to 2025 ~ As you read in the last post, I am now pursuing a PhD, but for me to get there:
God made me miserable.
God made me be quiet.
In the misery and the quiet, I heard Him say in a still small voice, "DO MORE."
Did the miserable state in which I found myself come from sinning? In retrospect, possibly. Was I being obedient to His calling? In some ways, but not others. I allowed a job to distract me from what I have been called to do. I was not following His God-given dreams to create and do what I love. My writing time was non-existent, when I know I've been called to write.
So maybe we need to become uncomfortable in our current job or circumstance. Maybe we need to be miserable when not doing exactly what He calls us to do. And just maybe, if we silence the noise around us and rest in Him, He will move us from a state of miserableness to obedience and contentment by gently calling us to "DO MORE."
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And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. I Peter 5:10
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7
Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. II Peter 1:10-11

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