It has been a minute since I have posted anything new here. Crazy thing (actually not so crazy), right after posting the last entry in 2022, my life suddenly took another detour. In that entry, I wrote about the preparation I did before the anniversary of my precious son's death. That particular preparation involved quietness and stillness. You have probably caught on by now as to where this is going.
Be still and know.
It would seem, God has to sit me down and make me be still in order for me to learn what He has planned. Thus was the case in September of 2022, the date of my last blog post. The anniversary of Stanton's death is no doubt one of my hardest days with which to deal. September 26, 2022 was the 6th anniversary, and it fell on the same day of the week as when his death actually occurred. This made it very easy to relive the days leading up to, the actual day of, and the days following my son's passing; something I did not care to do, but there it was.
During that weekend in 2022, I didn't feel particularly sad, but rather reflective. It was in a quiet moment of reflection that I heard an unmistakable still, small voice.
"Do more."
Excuse me? Do more what? I don't understand!!!
"Liberty University." Huh? I don't know a thing about Liberty University. (Insert confused emoji with hands in the air.)
It was in the next few moments that I proceeded to argue with that voice.
I don't get it! You know I began a Master's program just 3 weeks after Stanton died. Why are you bothering me now on this anniversary? I'm done, and I've started writing like you said to do!
"You're not done."
Seriously?
"You're not ready."
I graduated with honors! Sure I am!
"Do more!"
I surrender.
Within 5 days (2 of which fell on a weekend), I requested my transcripts, applied for admission, the transcripts were received, and I was accepted to the Graduate Certificate in Bible Exposition program at Liberty. WHAT?!?!? That just does NOT happen so smoothly.
The first two semesters included an introductory course to the program, 2 Greek courses, 2 Hebrew, and 1 Hermeneutics class. I finished these courses in Virginia while attending graduation for the certificate. Many of my family and friends had no idea what I was doing, and at times, neither did I.
I attended graduation as only 1 of 2 certificate students participating, with a couple of hundred graduate and doctoral degree students. While some would not go to the trouble, this was a super meaningful time for me. When I received my Master's in English and Creative Writing with a Non-Fiction Emphasis, my Daddy was sick, and I didn't get to walk. Upon completion of my certificate at Liberty, I walked. Not for recognition, but for me. This was confirmation God had called me to this program, just as He had my Master's. The day after graduation, I applied and was accepted to the PhD program in Bible Exposition and began classes shortly thereafter. Each of the certificate courses are requirements in the doctoral program. The program is set up beautifully to advance you as a far as you want to go.
Fast forward 2 years . . . I am 4 classes away from beginning the dissertation process. God is still speaking, and I am still listening. (Most days, anyway.) He has been with me every step of the way on this later-in-life education journey. Without Him, I would be incapable of proceeding. Without Him, I could not succeed. Without Him, I am nothing.
Had I not been sitting quietly in my grief, I would not have heard that still small voice. I may have taken a different path. But once again, God reminded me ...
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"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" (Psalm 46:10).
"He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed" (Psalm 107:29).
"Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning" (Proverbs 9:9).
"And He said to them, 'Pay attention to what you hear; with the measure you use it, it will measured to you, and still more will be added to you" (Mark 4:24).
God caused the storm raging in my heart due to the date, and the waves of grief to be stilled, so I would be still. So I would be quiet and know He is God, He is directing my path, and He receives all the glory for anything I have done thus far. I fall short, but God never leaves and never stops providing instruction, if I will but pay attention to what I hear and allow Him to keep adding to my life on the daily.
When was the last time you were truly still and listening? I am praying for each of you reading this post; praying for quietness, stillness, a willing to listen heart, and for God's daily guidance for you. Many blessings!
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